Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
