when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize