JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
