My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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