To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
