FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
