I think i peed on brittanys purse
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
