i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
