She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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