No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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