party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
