Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize