And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize