I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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