Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
