I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
