Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize