I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
