The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In America we eat man semen.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
