He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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