yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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