I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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