You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
