Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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