I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
