Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
