Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
