We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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