Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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