Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
