I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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