Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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