This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Where is the hickey?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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