"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
