I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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