idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
