it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
