Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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