I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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