We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
