gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We need a shit load of segways right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
