this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
