Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
