I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
