elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
