You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
