They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
