i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
