Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
