he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
