They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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