my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
