I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
