I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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