You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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