I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
