the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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