She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sober January is a disaster.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
