Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
