I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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