would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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