dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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