Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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