I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
