i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
