he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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