haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
